Post by angelfire on Aug 14, 2013 11:51:20 GMT -5
Why would an Aquarius man ask for my advice and then refuse to take it?
We are "friends with benefits." We have talked about a relationship, quite recently actually, and he knows I want it but he doesn't. So I dropped it and have been learning all I can about Aquarius and how to interact with them successfully.
Long story short, he has anxiety problems and just went to a dangerous new job. When he called me freaking out after the first day, I tried to encourage him by being warm and telling him he could do it and that it would be okay. The next day, yesterday, he told me that after he ended the conversation he "was about to" call his ex-girlfriend and ask her to calm him down but couldn't remember her number. I found that funny because A) he told me he called her last month about some tax information, so he obviously remembered her number then, B) he resents her to the point that I know for a fact it kept him up one night 2 months ago, and C) he left her 2.5 years ago. Yet he wanted her, whom he claims he hates, to calm him down instead of my encouragement. I didn't say a word about this, but it did not escape me. Further, it was like he was mad at me when we talked the next day for trying to encourage him. I told him what my tarot cards had said (positive things) and he said, "This is reality." When we returned to the subject of the job and I pointed out that he left the one he had, he then said that he could always go back to another he had. At that place, he met someone in January that I knew for a fact he was falling for. He and I had an argument in June and didn't speak for almost 2 months. During that time, in July, they were in a relationship according to both their Facebook pages. He claims that it was because she called him, she asked him if he wanted to be in a relationship with her and he said, "We'll try it," she sent him the request and then made little effort to see or talk to him. That combined with her partying bordering on alcoholism and her texting him that he could have sex with her in a parking lot were why he dumped her last Sunday. He had to make her take it off her Facebook page on Thursday. She then texted him Saturday night that someone had hit her car and the wording didn't make sense. I know this because he called me and told me. I said all that to say that I believe he wants to go back there to be near her without saying so or being obvious about it. They don't know from one day to the next if they will be working at that place, and they make next to nothing when they do. I did not express my suspicion, yet he said to me, "You just don't want me to go back there because you think I'll get back with that crazy girl, and I'm not going to." He's right about that aspect, but I didn't tell him that. (I believe that the fact that he brought it up himself further proves it.) Instead I pointed out the financial pitfalls, which, again, I know about because he told me himself. I have never worked there. I understand that he's scared about his job (logging) and do believe him. He struggled with anxiety there before (he left it when he left his ex and moved 2.5 years ago, at which point we met). So it's not that I don't believe him. BUT I don't see the financial benefit of this change. That doesn't make logical sense and if it is not driven by logic, it has to be driven by emotion. If it is not going to be more beneficial financially and he already knows that, then it has to benefit him in some other way that he already knows--namely her.
Okay, so maybe that long story wasn't so short. It's just hard to understand without the details.
So my questions are: think I'm right about his motivation (and the feelings he's denying having for her)? Does anyone else think that's what's behind this?
Why would he get mad at me for encouraging him, rather talk to someone he claims he resents, clearly lie about not remembering her phone number, and get mad at me for trying to encourage him?
Why would he also ask for my advice but refuse to take it? If you know what you want and don't want, why bother asking anyone else?
One more question: recently, in regard to this girl and decisions about her, he said to me, "You are 'frosty.' I need you to remain 'frosty.' " I'm pretty sure he was not calling me a cute, friendly snowman. (I'm a Capricorn; when we're warm we're still cold. I don't mean to be, try to be, or even want to be.) But is "frosty" a good thing or a bad thing to Aquarius men? Originally I took it to mean that he thought I wasn't warm enough. Then I read about how uncomfortable Aquarius men are with emotion and how logical they are, so then I thought maybe it's a good thing to him.
Okay, I lied; one MORE question: is it possible for an Aquarius man to fall for someone he thinks is stupid? I keep reading that it's not. He keeps telling me that I am the smartest person he knows, and that this girl I believe he's in love with is stupid.
Okay; sorry TWO more questions: if I stop giving him advice, how will it affect his feelings for me, the relationship between us, and potential for our future? If I stop trying to encourage him, how will it affect the same things?
Thanks.
We are "friends with benefits." We have talked about a relationship, quite recently actually, and he knows I want it but he doesn't. So I dropped it and have been learning all I can about Aquarius and how to interact with them successfully.
Long story short, he has anxiety problems and just went to a dangerous new job. When he called me freaking out after the first day, I tried to encourage him by being warm and telling him he could do it and that it would be okay. The next day, yesterday, he told me that after he ended the conversation he "was about to" call his ex-girlfriend and ask her to calm him down but couldn't remember her number. I found that funny because A) he told me he called her last month about some tax information, so he obviously remembered her number then, B) he resents her to the point that I know for a fact it kept him up one night 2 months ago, and C) he left her 2.5 years ago. Yet he wanted her, whom he claims he hates, to calm him down instead of my encouragement. I didn't say a word about this, but it did not escape me. Further, it was like he was mad at me when we talked the next day for trying to encourage him. I told him what my tarot cards had said (positive things) and he said, "This is reality." When we returned to the subject of the job and I pointed out that he left the one he had, he then said that he could always go back to another he had. At that place, he met someone in January that I knew for a fact he was falling for. He and I had an argument in June and didn't speak for almost 2 months. During that time, in July, they were in a relationship according to both their Facebook pages. He claims that it was because she called him, she asked him if he wanted to be in a relationship with her and he said, "We'll try it," she sent him the request and then made little effort to see or talk to him. That combined with her partying bordering on alcoholism and her texting him that he could have sex with her in a parking lot were why he dumped her last Sunday. He had to make her take it off her Facebook page on Thursday. She then texted him Saturday night that someone had hit her car and the wording didn't make sense. I know this because he called me and told me. I said all that to say that I believe he wants to go back there to be near her without saying so or being obvious about it. They don't know from one day to the next if they will be working at that place, and they make next to nothing when they do. I did not express my suspicion, yet he said to me, "You just don't want me to go back there because you think I'll get back with that crazy girl, and I'm not going to." He's right about that aspect, but I didn't tell him that. (I believe that the fact that he brought it up himself further proves it.) Instead I pointed out the financial pitfalls, which, again, I know about because he told me himself. I have never worked there. I understand that he's scared about his job (logging) and do believe him. He struggled with anxiety there before (he left it when he left his ex and moved 2.5 years ago, at which point we met). So it's not that I don't believe him. BUT I don't see the financial benefit of this change. That doesn't make logical sense and if it is not driven by logic, it has to be driven by emotion. If it is not going to be more beneficial financially and he already knows that, then it has to benefit him in some other way that he already knows--namely her.
Okay, so maybe that long story wasn't so short. It's just hard to understand without the details.
So my questions are: think I'm right about his motivation (and the feelings he's denying having for her)? Does anyone else think that's what's behind this?
Why would he get mad at me for encouraging him, rather talk to someone he claims he resents, clearly lie about not remembering her phone number, and get mad at me for trying to encourage him?
Why would he also ask for my advice but refuse to take it? If you know what you want and don't want, why bother asking anyone else?
One more question: recently, in regard to this girl and decisions about her, he said to me, "You are 'frosty.' I need you to remain 'frosty.' " I'm pretty sure he was not calling me a cute, friendly snowman. (I'm a Capricorn; when we're warm we're still cold. I don't mean to be, try to be, or even want to be.) But is "frosty" a good thing or a bad thing to Aquarius men? Originally I took it to mean that he thought I wasn't warm enough. Then I read about how uncomfortable Aquarius men are with emotion and how logical they are, so then I thought maybe it's a good thing to him.
Okay, I lied; one MORE question: is it possible for an Aquarius man to fall for someone he thinks is stupid? I keep reading that it's not. He keeps telling me that I am the smartest person he knows, and that this girl I believe he's in love with is stupid.
Okay; sorry TWO more questions: if I stop giving him advice, how will it affect his feelings for me, the relationship between us, and potential for our future? If I stop trying to encourage him, how will it affect the same things?
Thanks.